167
Sorcerers resolve this particular difficulty by accepting something extremely obvious: Human Beings are infinitely more complex and mysterious, than our wildest fantasies."
"...Intent is intended with the eyes...All I can say is, that the eyes do it," he said cuttingly. "I don't know how, but they do it. They summon (request to appear) Intent with something indefinable, that they have, something in their shine. Sorcerers say, that Intent is experienced with the eyes, not with the reason (logic)."
"Human Beings have a very deep sense of magic. We are part of the mysterious. Rationality is only a veneer (cover) with us. If we scratch that surface, we find a Sorcerer underneath. Some of us, however, have great difficulty getting underneath the surface level; others do it with total ease.
170
Warriors spend years in limbo (condition of neglect, confinement), where they are neither average men, nor Sorcerers."

Don Juan's instruction on the Art of Stalking and the Mastery of Intent depended upon his instruction on the Mastery of Awareness, which was the cornerstone of his teachings, and which consist of the following basic premises:

1. The Universe is an infinite agglomeration (collection, forming a round mass) of Energy Fields, resembling Threads of Light.

2. These Energy Fields radiate from a Source of inconceivable proportions - (Threads of Sun Energy of Balance, coming from the Source of All Suns through Emitter and forming Mind-Field in the Universe. When Universe completes its Life, these Threads would no longer be transmited from the Source! LM).

3. Human Beings are also composed of an Incalculable Number of the same Threadlike Energy Fields. These Threads form an encased agglomeration, that manifests itself as a Ball of Light the size of the person's body with the arms extended laterally, like a Giant Luminous Egg.

4. Only a very Small Group of these Energy Fields inside this Luminous Ball are lit up by a Point of Intense Brilliance (POINT OF OUR PERCEPTION, LM), located on the Ball's surface.

5. Perception occurs when the Energy Fields in that small sphere, immediately surrounding the Point of Brilliance, extend their Light to illuminate identical Energy Fields outside this smaller sphere. Since the only Energy Fields perceivable are those, lit by the Point of Brilliance, that Point is named "the point, where perception is assembled" or simply "the assemblage point."

6. The assemblage point can be moved from its usual position on the surface of the Luminous Ball to another position on the surface, or into the interior. Since the brilliance of Spirit can light up whatever Energy Field it comes in contact with, when it moves to a new position it immediately brightens up new Energy Fields,  making them perceivable. This perception is known as Seeing.

7. When Spirit (the assemblage point) shifts, it makes possible the perception of an entirely different World - as objective and factual, as the one we normally perceive. Sorcerers go into that other World to get Energy, Power, Solutions to general and particular problems, or to face the unimaginable.

8. Intent is the pervasive (permeate) Force, that causes us to perceive. We do not become aware, because we perceive; rather, we perceive as a result of the Pressure and Intrusion of Intent.

9. The Aim of Sorcerers is to reach a State of Total Awareness, in order to experience all the possibilities of perception, available to human. This State of Awareness even implies an alternative way of dying. 

Don Juan laughed. "My benefactor, of course, had shifted me into Heightened  Awareness, prior to the monster's entrance, so that what I actually saw as a monstrous man, was what Sorcerers call an Inorganic Being, a formless energy field."

56-57
"If you think I laugh at you - which I do - it's nothing, compared with how he laughed at me," don Juan continued. "My devilish benefactor had learned to weep to hide his laughter.
You just can't imagine how he used to cry, when I first began my apprenticeship."
Continuing with his story, don Juan stated, that his life was never the same after the shock of seeing that monstrous man. His benefactor made sure of it. Don Juan explained, that once a Nagual has introduced his prospective disciple, especially his Nagual Disciple, to trickery, he must struggle to assure his compliance  (flexibility). This compliance could be of two different kinds. Either the prospective disciple is so disciplined and tuned, that only his decision to join the Nagual is needed, as had been the case with young Talia. Or the prospective disciple is someone with little or no discipline, in which case a Nagual has to expend time and a great deal of labor to convince his disciple. In don Juan's case, because he was a wild young peasant without a thought in his head, the process of reeling him in took bizarre turns. Soon after the first jolt, his benefactor gave him a second one, by showing don Juan his ability to transform himself. One day his benefactor became a young man. Don Juan was incapable of conceiving of this transformation as anything, but an example of a consummate (skillful) actor's art.
"How did he accomplish those changes?" I asked.
"He was both a magician and an artist," don Juan replied. "His magic was, that he transformed himself by moving his Assemblage Point into the position, that would  bring on whatever particular change he desired. And his art was the perfection of his transformations."
"I don't quite understand what you're telling me," I said.
Don Juan said, that Perception is the hinge for everything man is or does, and that Perception is ruled by the location of the Assemblage Point. Therefore, if that point changes positions, man's Perception of the World changes accordingly. The Sorcerer, who knew exactly, where to place his Assemblage Point, could become anything he wanted.
"The Nagual Julian's proficiency in moving his Assemblage Point was so magnificent, that he could elicit (evoke, draw out) the subtlest transformations," don Juan continued.
"When a Sorcerer becomes a crow, for instance, it is definitely a great accomplishment. But it entails a vast and therefore a gross shift of the Assemblage Point. However, moving it to the position of a fat man, or an old man, requires the minutest shift and the keenest knowledge of human nature."
"I'd rather avoid thinking or talking about those things as facts," I said. Don Juan laughed, as if I had said the funniest thing imaginable. "Was there a reason for your benefactor's transformations?" I asked. "Or was he just amusing himself?"
"Don't be stupid. Warriors don't do anything just to amuse themselves," he replied. "His transformations were strategical. They were dictated by need, like his transformation from old to young. Now and then there were funny consequences, but that's another matter."
I reminded him, that I had asked before, how his benefactor learned those transformations. He had told me then, that his benefactor had a teacher, but would not tell me who.
"That very mysterious Sorcerer, who is our ward, taught him (the Tenant)," don Juan replied curtly (abruptly).
"What mysterious Sorcerer is that?" I asked.
"The Death Defier," he said and looked at me questioningly.
58-59
For all the Sorcerers of don Juan's party the Death Defier was a most vivid character. According to them, the Death Defier was a Sorcerer of Ancient Times. He had  succeeded in surviving to the present day by manipulating his Assemblage Point, making it move in specific ways to specific locations within his total energy field.  Such maneuvers had permitted his awareness and life force to persist. Don Juan had told me about the agreement, that the Seers of his Lineage had entered into with the Death Defier centuries before. He made gifts to them in exchange for vital energy. Because of this agreement, they considered him their ward (guard,  defence) and called him "the Tenant." Don Juan had explained, that Sorcerers of Ancient Times were expert at making the Assemblage Point move. In doing so they had discovered extraordinary things about Perception, but they had also discovered how easy it was to get lost in aberration (deviation from a proper course).
The Death Defier's situation was for don Juan a classic example of an aberration (distortion or deviation from the course). Don Juan used to repeat every chance he could, that if the Assemblage Point was pushed by someone, who not only saw it, but also had enough energy to move it, it slid, within the Luminous Ball, to whatever location the pusher directed.
Its brilliance was enough to light up the Threadlike Energy Fields it touched. The resulting Perception of the World was as complete as, but not the same as, our normal perception of everyday life, therefore, Sobriety was crucial to dealing with the moving of the Assemblage Point (Perception Point). Continuing his story, don Juan said, that he quickly became accustomed to thinking of the old man, who had saved his life, as really a young man masquerading as old. But one day the young man was again the old Belisario don Juan had first met. He and the woman, don Juan thought was his wife, packed their bags, and two smiling men with a team of  mules appeared out of nowhere.


Don Juan laughed, savoring his story. He said, that while the muleteers packed the mules, Belisario pulled him aside and pointed out, that he and his wife were again disguised.
He was again an old man, and his beautiful wife was a fat irascible (easily angered) Indian. "I was so young and stupid, that only the obvious had value for me," don Juan continued. "Just a couple of days before, I had seen his incredible transformation from a feeble (weak, frail) man in his seventies to a vigorous young man in his mid-twenties, and I took his word, that old age was just a disguise. His wife had also changed from a sour, fat Indian to a beautiful slender young woman.  The woman, of course, hadn't transformed herself the way my benefactor had. He had simply changed the woman. Of course, I could have seen everything at that  time, but wisdom always comes to us painfully and in driblets." Don Juan said, that the old man assured him, that his wound was healed although he did not feel  quite well yet. He then embraced don Juan and in a truly sad voice whispered, "the monster has liked you so much, that he has released me and my wife from  bondage and taken you as his sole servant. I would have laughed at him," don Juan went on, "had it not been for a deep animal growling and a frightening rattle, that came from the monster's rooms." Don Juan's eyes were shining with inner delight. I wanted to remain serious, but could not help laughing. Belisario, aware of don Juan's fright, apologized profusely for the twist of fate, that had liberated him and imprisoned don Juan. He clicked his tongue in disgust and cursed the monster. He had tears in his eyes, when he listed all the chores the monster wanted done daily.
60-61
And when don Juan protested, he confided, in low tones, that there was no way to escape, because the Monster's Knowledge of Witchcraft was unequaled. Don Juan asked Belisario to recommend some line of action. And Belisario went into a long explanation about plans of action being appropriate only if one were dealing with average human beings. In the human context, we can plan and plot and, depending on luck, plus our cunning and dedication, can succeed. But in the face of the  unknown, specifically don Juan's situation, the only hope of survival was to acquiesce (accept) and understand. Belisario confessed to don Juan in a barely audible murmur, that to make sure the Monster never came after him, he was going to the state of Durango to learn Sorcery. He asked don Juan if he, too, would consider  learning Sorcery. And don Juan, horrified at the thought, said, that he would have nothing to do with witches. Don Juan held his sides laughing and admitted, that he enjoyed thinking about how his benefactor must have relished their interplay. Especially when he himself, in a frenzy of fear and passion, rejected the bona fide  (genuine) invitation to learn Sorcery, saying, "I am an Indian. I was born to hate and fear witches." Belisario exchanged looks with his wife and his body began to convulse (hiding laughter). Don Juan realized, he was weeping silently (hiding laughter), obviously hurt by the rejection. His wife had to prop (helped) him up, until he regained his composure. As Belisario and his wife were walking away, he turned and gave don Juan one more piece of advice. He said, that the Monster abhorred (abominate, regard with horror) women, and don Juan should be on the lookout for a male replacement on the off chance, that the Monster would like him enough to switch slaves. But he should not raise his hopes, because it was going to be years before he could even leave the house. The Monster liked to make sure his slaves were loyal or at least obedient. Don Juan could stand it no longer. He broke down, began to weep and told Belisario, that noone was going to enslave him. He could always kill himself. The old man was very moved by don Juan's outburst and confessed, that he had had the same idea, but, alas, the Monster was able to read his  thoughts and had prevented him from taking his own life every time he had tried. Belisario made another offer to take don Juan with him to Durango to learn Sorcery. He said it was the only possible solution. And don Juan told him his solution was like jumping from the frying pan into the fire. Belisario began to weep loudly and  embraced don Juan. He cursed the moment, he had saved the other man's life and swore, that he had no idea they would trade places. He blew his nose, and looking at don Juan with burning eyes, said, "Disguise is the only way to survive. If you don't behave properly, the Monster can steal your Soul and turn you into an idiot,  who does his chores, and nothing more. Too bad I don't have time to teach you acting." Then he wept even more. Don Juan, choking with tears asked him to  describe how he could disguise himself. Belisario confided, that the monster had terrible eyesight, and recommended, that don Juan experiment with various  clothes, that suited his fancy. He had, after all, years ahead of him to try different disguises. He embraced don Juan at the door, weeping openly. His wife touched  don Juan's hand shyly. And then they were gone. "Never in my life, before or after, have I felt such terror and despair," don Juan said. "The Monster rattled things  inside the house, as if he were waiting impatiently for me. I sat down by the door and whined like a dog in pain. Then I vomited from sheer fear."
62-63
Don Juan sat for hours incapable of moving. He dared not leave, nor did he dare go inside. It was no exaggeration to say, that he was actually about to die, when
he saw Belisario waving his arms, frantically trying to catch his attention from the other side of the street. Just seeing him again gave don Juan instantaneous relief.  Belisario was squatting by the sidewalk watching the house. He signaled don Juan to stay put. After an excruciatingly long time, Belisario crawled a few feet on his  hands and knees toward don Juan, then squatted again, totally immobile. Crawling in that fashion, he advanced, until he was at don Juan's side. It took him hours.
A lot of people had passed by, but no one seemed to have noticed don Juan's despair or the old man's actions. When the two of them were side by side, Belisario  whispered, that he had not felt right leaving don Juan like a dog tied to a post. His wife had objected, but he had returned to attempt to rescue him. After all, it was  thanks to don Juan, that he had gained his freedom. He asked don Juan in a commanding whisper whether he was ready and willing to do anything to escape this.  And don Juan assured him, that he would do anything. In the most surreptitious manner, Belisario handed don Juan a bundle of clothes. Then he outlined his plan.  Don Juan was to go to the area of the house farthest from the Monster's rooms and slowly change his clothes, taking off one item of clothing at a time, starting with  his hat, leaving the shoes for last. Then he was to put all his clothes on a wooden frame, a mannequin-like structure he was to build, efficiently and quickly, as soon  as he was inside the house. The next step of the plan was for don Juan to put on the only disguise, that could fool the Monster: the clothes in the bundle. Don Juan ran into the house and got  everything ready. He built a scarecrow-like frame with poles he found in the back of the house, took off his clothes and put them on it.
But, when he opened the  bundle, he got the surprise of his life. The bundle consisted of women's clothes!
"I felt stupid and lost," don Juan said, "and was just about to put my own clothes back on, when I heard the inhuman growls of that monstrous man. I had been reared to despise Women, to believe their only function was to take care of Men. Putting on Women's clothes to me was tantamount (the same as) to becoming a woman.  But my fear of the Monster was so intense, that I closed my eyes and put on the damned clothes."
I looked at don Juan, imagining him in women's clothes. It was an image so utterly ridiculous, that against my will I broke into a belly laugh. Don Juan said, that when old Belisario, waiting for him across the street, saw don Juan in disguise, he began to weep uncontrollably (laugh). Weeping, he guided don Juan to the outskirts of  town, where his wife was waiting with the two muleteers. One of them very daringly asked Belisario, if he was stealing the Weird Girl (means don Juan) to sell her to a Whorehouse. The old man wept so hard, he seemed on the verge of fainting. The young muleteers did not know what to do, but Belisario's wife, instead of  commiserating (feeling pity for Belisario), began to scream with laughter. And don Juan could not understand why. The party began to move in the dark. They took  little-traveled trails and moved steadily north. Belisario did not speak much. He seemed to be frightened and expecting trouble. His wife fought with him all the time  and complained, that they had thrown away their chance for freedom by taking don Juan along.


64-65
Belisario gave her strict orders not to mention it again for fear the muleteers would discover, that don Juan was in disguise. He cautioned don Juan, that because
he did not know how to behave convincingly like a woman, he should act as if he were a girl, who was a little touched in the head. Within a few days don Juan's fear  subsided a great deal. In fact, he became so confident, that he could not even remember having been afraid. If it had not been for the clothes he was wearing, he could have imagined the whole experience had been a bad dream. Wearing women's clothes under those conditions, entailed, of course, a series of drastic changes. Belisario's wife coached don Juan, with true seriousness, in every aspect of being a Woman. Don Juan helped her cook, wash clothes, gather firewood. Belisario  shaved don Juan's head and put a strong-smelling medicine on it, and told the muleteers, that the Girl had had an infestation of lice. Don Juan said, that since he was still a beardless youth it was not really difficult to pass as a woman. But he felt disgusted with himself, and with all those people, and, above all, with his fate. To end up wearing women's clothes and doing women's chores was more, than he could bear. One day he had enough. The muleteers were the final straw. They expected and demanded, that this strange Girl wait on them hand and foot. Don Juan said, that he also had to be on permanent guard, because they would make passes.
I felt compelled to ask a question: "Were the muleteers in cahoots with your benefactor?


"No," he replied and began to laugh uproariously. "They were just two nice people, who had fallen temporarily under his spell. He had hired their mules to carry medicinal plants and told them, that he would pay handsomely, if they would help him kidnap a young woman."
The scope of the Nagual Julian's actions staggered my imagination. I pictured don Juan fending off (turn aside) sexual advances and hollered (yell) with laughter. Don Juan continued his account. He said, that he told the old man sternly, that the masquerade had lasted long enough, the men were making sexual advances. Belisario nonchalantly (casually) advised him to be more understanding, because men will be men, and began to weep again, completely baffling don Juan, who found himself furiously defending Women. He was so passionate about the plight (situation of difficulty) of Women, that he scared himself. He told Belisario, that he was going to  end up in worse shape, than he would have, had he stayed as the Monster's slave. Don Juan's turmoil increased when the old man wept uncontrollably and mumbled inanities (absurd silly remarks): life was sweet, the little price one had to pay for it was a joke, the monster would devour don Juan's soul and not even allow him to kill himself.


"Flirt with the muleteers," he advised don Juan in a conciliatory (peaceful) tone and manner." They are primitive peasants. All they want is to play, so push them  back, when they shove you. Let them touch your leg. What do you care?" And again, he wept unrestrainedly. Don Juan asked him why he wept like that.
"Because you are perfect for all this," he said and his body twisted with the force of his sobbing. Don Juan thanked him for his good feelings and for all the trouble
he was taking on his account. He told Belisario: he now felt safe and wanted to leave.


66-67
"The Art of Stalking is learning all the quirks (oddities) of your disguise," Belisario said, paying no attention to what don Juan was telling him. "And it is to learn them so well, noone will know you are disguised. For that you need to be ruthless, cunning, patient and sweet."
Don Juan had no idea what Belisario was talking about. Rather than finding out, he asked him for some men's clothes. Belisario was very understanding. He gave don Juan some old clothes and a few pesos. He promised don Juan, that his disguise would always be there in case he needed it, and pressed him vehemently (intensity of emotion) to come to Durango with him to learn Sorcery and free himself from the Monster for good. Don Juan said no and thanked him. So Belisario bid him good-
bye and patted him on the back repeatedly and with considerable force. Don Juan changed his clothes and asked Belisario for directions. He answered, that if don Juan followed the trail north, sooner or later he would reach the next town. He said, that the two of them might even cross paths again, since they were all going in  the same general direction - away from the Monster. Don Juan took off as fast, as he could, free at last. He must have walked four or five miles, before he found signs of people. He knew, that a town was nearby and thought, that perhaps he could get work there, until he decided where he was going. He sat down to rest for a  moment, anticipating the normal difficulties a stranger would find in a small out-of-the-way town, when from the corner of his eye he saw a movement in the bushes by the mule trail. He felt someone was watching him. He became so thoroughly terrified, that he jumped up and started to run in the direction of the town; the  Monster jumped at him lurching out to grab his neck. He missed by an inch. Don Juan screamed, as he had never screamed before, but still had enough self-control  to turn and run back in the direction, from which he had come. While don Juan ran for his life, the Monster pursued him, crashing through the bushes only a few feet away. Don Juan said, that it was the most frightening sound he had ever heard. Finally he saw the mules moving slowly in the distance, and he yelled for help.


Belisario recognized don Juan and ran toward him displaying overt (open) terror. He threw the bundle of women's clothes at don Juan shouting: "Run like a Woman, you fool."
Don Juan admitted, that he did not know how to run like a Woman, but he did it. The Monster stopped chasing him. And Belisario told him to change quickly, while
he held the Monster at bay. Don Juan joined Belisario's wife and the smiling muleteers without looking at anybody. They doubled back and took other trails. Nobody spoke for days; then Belisario gave him daily lessons. He told don Juan, that Indian Women were practical and went directly to the heart of things, but that they were also very shy, and that, when challenged, they showed the physical signs of fright in shifty eyes, tight mouths, and enlarged nostrils. All these signs were  accompanied by a fearful stubbornness, followed by shy laughter. He made don Juan practice his womanly behavior skills in every town they passed through.
And don Juan honestly believed he was teaching him to be an actor. But Belisario insisted, that he was teaching him the Art of Stalking. He told don Juan, that  Stalking was an Art applicable to everything, and that there were four steps to learning it: ruthlessness, cunning, patience and sweetness.
I felt compelled to interrupt his account once more. "But isn't Stalking taught in deep, Heightened Awareness?" I asked.
68
"Of course," he replied with a grin. "But you have to understand, that for some men, wearing women's clothes, is the door into Heightened Awareness. In fact, such means are more effective, than pushing the Assemblage Point, but are very difficult to arrange."
Don Juan said, that his benefactor drilled him daily in the four moods of Stalking and insisted, that don Juan understand, that ruthlessness should not be harshness, cunning should not be cruelty, patience should not be negligence and sweetness should not be foolishness. He taught him, that these four steps had to be practiced and perfected, until they were so smooth, they were unnoticeable. He believed Women to be Natural Stalkers. And his conviction was so strong, he maintained, that only in a Woman's disguise could any man really learn the Art of Stalking."


I went with him to every market, in every town we passed, and haggled (bargain) with everyone," don Juan went on. "My benefactor used to stay to one side  watching me. 'Be ruthless, but charming,' he used to say. 'Be cunning, but nice. Be patient, but active. Be sweet, but lethal. Only Women can do it. If a Man acts this way he's being prissy (fussy, finicky).' " And, as if to make sure don Juan stayed in line, the Monstrous Man appeared from time to time. Don Juan caught sight of him, roaming the countryside. He would see him most often after Belisario gave him a vigorous back massage, supposedly to alleviate a sharp nervous pain in his neck. Don Juan laughed and said, that he had no idea, he was being manipulated into Heightened Awareness.


"It took us one month to reach the city of Durango," don Juan said. "In that month, I had a brief sample of the Four Moods of Stalking. It really didn't change me much, but it gave me a chance to have an inkling (a hint, a vague idea or notion) of what being a Woman was like."

170-171
"I'm going to tell you the story of my death." He began to recount what had happened to him after his arrival in Durango, still disguised in women's clothes, following his month-long journey through central Mexico. He said, that old Belisario took him directly to a hacienda to hide from the Monstrous Man, who was chasing him.
As soon, as he arrived, don Juan - very daringly in view of his taciturn (laconic, untalkative) nature - introduced himself to everyone in the house.

172-173
There were seven beautiful Women and a strange unsociable man, who did not utter a single word. Don Juan delighted the lovely Women with his rendition  (performance) of the monstrous man's efforts to capture him. Above all, they were enchanted with the disguise, which he still wore, and the story, that went with it.  They never tired of hearing the details of his trip, and all of them advised him on how to perfect the Knowledge he had acquired during his journey. What surprised don Juan was their poise (composed, in balance) and assuredness, which were unbelievable to him. The seven Women were exquisite and they made him feel happy.
He liked them and trusted them.


They treated him with respect and consideration. But something in their eyes told him, that under their facades of charm, there existed a terrifying coldness, an aloofness (reserved, withdrawn) he could never penetrate. The thought occurred to him, that in order for these strong and beautiful  Women to be so at ease and to have no regard for formalities, they had to be loose (prostitutes) Women. Yet it was obvious to him, that they were not. Don Juan was  left alone to roam the property. He was dazzled by the huge mansion and its grounds. He had never seen anything like it. It was an old colonial house with a high  surrounding wall. Inside were balconies with flowerpots and patios with enormous fruit trees, that provided shade, privacy, and quiet. There were large rooms, and on the ground floor airy corridors around the patios. On the upper floor there were mysterious bedrooms, where don Juan was not permitted to set foot.

During the following days don Juan was amazed by the profound interest the Women took in his well-being. They did everything for him. They seemed to hang on his every word. Never before had people been so kind to him. But also, never before had he felt so solitary. He was always in the company of the beautiful, strange  Women, and yet he had never been so alone. Don Juan believed, that his feeling of aloneness came from being unable to predict the behavior of the Women or to  know their real feelings. He knew only what they told him about themselves. A few days after his arrival, the Woman, who seemed to be their leader, gave him some  brandnew men's clothes and told him, that his Woman's disguise was no longer necessary, because whoever the Monstrous Man might have been, he was now  nowhere in sight. She told him he was free to go whenever he pleased.

Don Juan begged to see Belisario, whom he had not seen since the day they arrived. The Woman said, that Belisario was gone. He had left word, however, that don Juan could stay in the house as long, as he wanted - but only if he was in danger. Don Juan declared he was in mortal danger. During his few days in the house, he had seen the Monster constantly, always sneaking about the cultivated fields, surrounding the house.


The Woman did not believe him and told him bluntly (direct, abrupt, frank manner), that he was a con artist, pretending to see the Monster, so they would take him in. She told him their house was not a place to loaf (spend time lazily). She stated, they were serious people, who worked very hard and could not afford to keep a  freeloader. Don Juan was insulted. He stomped out (tread heavily) of the house, but when he caught sight of the Monster, hiding behind the ornamental shrubbery  bordering the walk, his fright immediately replaced his anger. He rushed back into the house and begged the Woman to let him stay. He promised to do peon  (peasant-laborer) labor for no wages, if he could only remain at the hacienda. She agreed, with the understanding, that don Juan would accept two conditions: that he not ask any questions, and that he do exactly, as he was told without requiring any explanations. She warned him, that, if he broke these rules, his stay at the house would be in jeopardy.
174-175
"I stayed in the house really under protest," don Juan continued. "I did not like to accept her conditions, but I knew, that the Monster was outside. In the house I was safe. I knew, that the Monstrous Man was always stopped at an invisible boundary, that encircled the house, at a distance of perhaps a hundred yards. Within that circle I was safe. As far, as I could discern, there must have been something about that house, that kept the Monstrous Man away, and that was all I cared about. I also  realized, that when the people of the house were around me the Monster never appeared." After a few weeks with no change in his situation, the young man, who don  Juan believed had been living in the monster's house, disguised as old Belisario, reappeared. He told don Juan, that he had just arrived, that his name was Julian, and  that he owned the hacienda. Don Juan naturally asked him about his disguise. But the young man, looking him in the eye and without the slightest hesitation, denied  knowledge of any disguise.
"How can you stand here in my own house and talk such rubbish?" he shouted at don Juan. "What do you take me for?"
"But - you are Belisario, aren't you?" don Juan insisted.
"No," the young man said. "Belisario is an old man. I am Julian and I'm young. Don't you see?"
Don Juan meekly (patiently) admitted, that he had not been quite convinced, that it was a disguise and immediately realized the absurdity of his statement. If being old was not a disguise, then it was a transformation, and that was even more absurd. Don Juan's confusion increased by the moment. He asked about the Monster and the young man replied, that he had no idea what Monster he was talking about. He conceded, that don Juan must have been scared by something, otherwise old Belisario  would not have given him sanctuary. But whatever reason don Juan had for hiding, it was his personal business. Don Juan was mortified (humiliated) by the coldness  of his host's tone and manner. Risking his anger, don Juan reminded him, that they had met. His host replied, that he had never seen him before that day, but that he was honoring Belisario's wishes, as he felt obliged to do. The young man added, that not only was he the owner of the house, but that he was also in charge of  every person in that household, including don Juan, who, by the act of hiding among them, had become a ward of the house (person under protection of others).
If don Juan did not like the arrangement, he was free to go and take his chances with the Monster no one else was able to see. Before he made up his mind one way or another, don Juan judiciously (had sound judgement)  decided to ask, what being a ward of the house involved. The young man took don Juan to a section of the  mansion, that was under construction and said, that that part of the house was symbolic of his own life and actions. It was unfinished. Construction was indeed  underway, but chances were: it might never be completed. "You are one of the elements of that incomplete construction," he said to don Juan. "Let's say, that you are the beam, that will support the roof. Until we put it in place and put the roof on top of it, we won't know whether it will support he weight. The master carpenter says it  will. I am the master carpenter." This metaphorical explanation meant nothing to don Juan, who wanted to know what was expected of him in matters of manual labor. 
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The young man tried another approach. "I'm a Nagual," he explained. "I bring Freedom. I'm the Leader of the people in this house. You are in this house, and because  of that you are a part of it whether you like or not." Don Juan looked at him dumbfounded, unable to say anything. "I am the Nagual Julian," his host said, smiling.  "Without my intervention, there is no way to Freedom." Don Juan still did not understand. But he began to wonder about his safety in light of the man's obviously erratic mind. He was so concerned with this unexpected development, that he was not even curious about the use of the word Nagual. He knew, that Nagual meant Sorcerer, yet he was unable to take in the total implication (indirect suggestion) of the Nagual Julian's words. Or perhaps, somehow, he understood it perfectly, although his conscious mind did not. The young man stared at him for a moment and then said, that don Juan's actual job would involve being his personal valet (male-servant) and assistant. There would be no pay for this, but  excellent room and board. From time to time there would be other small jobs for don Juan, jobs requiring special attention. He was to be in charge of either doing the jobs himself or seeing, that they got done. For these special services he would be paid small amounts of money, which would be put into an account kept for him by  the other members of the household. Thus, should he ever want to leave, there would be a small amount of cash to tide (support) him over. The young man stressed,  that don Juan should not consider himself a prisoner, but, that if he stayed, he would have to work. And still more important, than the work were the three requirements he had to fulfill. He had to make a serious effort to learn everything the Women taught  him. His conduct with all the members of the household must be exemplary (commendable, being imitated), which meant, that he would have to examine his behavior and attitude toward them every minute of the day. And he was to address the young man, in direct conversation, as Nagual, and when talking of him, to refer to him as  the Nagual Julian. Don Juan accepted the terms grudgingly (reluctantly). But although he instantly plunged into his habitual sulkiness and moroseness (gloom, bad  temper, silent protest), he learned his work quickly. What he did not understand was, what was expected of him in matters of attitude and behavior. And even though  he could not have put his finger on a concrete instance, he honestly believed, that he was being lied to and exploited. As his moroseness got the upper hand,
he entered into a permanent sulk and hardly, said a word to anyone. It was then, that the Nagual Julian assembled all the members of his household and explained to them, that even though he badly needed an assistant, he would abide (tolerate) by their decision. If they did not like the morose and unappealing attitude of his new  orderly (male-attendant), they had the right to say so. If the majority disapproved of don Juan's behavior, the young man would have to leave and take his chances with whatever was waiting for him outside, be it a Monster or his own fabrication. The Nagual Julian then led them to the front of the house and challenged don Juan to  show them the Monstrous Man. Don Juan pointed him out, but no one else saw him. Don Juan ran frantically from one person to another, insisting, that the Monster  was there, imploring (pleading, begging) them to help him. They ignored his pleas and called him crazy. It was then, that the Nagual Julian put don Juan's fate to vote.  The unsociable man did not choose to vote. He shrugged his shoulders and walked away. All the Women spoke out against don Juan's staying. They argued, that he was simply too morose and bad-tempered.
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During the heat of the argument, however, the Nagual Julian completely changed his attitude and became don Juan's defender. He suggested, that the Women might  be misjudging the poor young man, that he was perhaps not crazy at all and maybe actually did see a Monster. He said, that perhaps his moroseness was the result of  his worries. And a great fight ensued (followed). Tempers flared, and in no time the Women were yelling at the Nagual. Don Juan heard the argument, but was past  caring. He knew, they were going to throw him out and that the Monstrous Man would certainly capture him and take him into slavery. In his utter helplessness he began to weep. His despair and his tears swayed some of the enraged Women. The leader of the Women proposed another choice: three-week trial period, during  which don Juan's actions and attitude would be evaluated daily by all the Women. She warned don Juan, that if there was one single complaint about his attitude  during that time, he would be kicked out for good. Don Juan recounted (narrated) how the Nagual Julian in a fatherly manner took him aside and proceeded to drive a  wedge of fear into him. He whispered to don Juan, that he knew for a fact, that the Monster not only existed, but was roaming the property. Nevertheless, because of  certain previous agreements with the Women, agreements he could not divulge (disclose, reveal), he was not permitted to tell the Women, what he knew. He urged  don Juan to stop demonstrating his stubborn, morose personality and pretend to be the opposite.
"Pretend to be happy and satisfied," he said to don Juan. "If you don't, the Women will kick you out. That prospect alone should be enough to scare you. Use that fear  as a real driving force. It's the only thing you have." Any hesitation or second thoughts, that don Juan might have had were instantly dispelled at the sight of the Monstrous Man. As the Monster waited impatiently at the invisible line, he seemed aware of how precarious (unstable) don Juan's position was. It was as if the monster were ravenously (greedy, voracious) hungry, anxiously anticipating a feast. The Nagual Julian drove his wedge of fear a bit deeper.
"If I were you," he told don Juan, "I would behave like an angel. I'd act any way these Women want me to, as long, as it kept me from that hellish beast."
"Then you do see the Monster?" don Juan asked.
"Of course I do," he replied. "And I also see, that if you leave, or if the Women kick you out, the Monster will capture you and put you in chains. That will change your attitude for sure. Slaves don't have any choice, but to behave well with their masters. They say, that the pain, inflicted by a Monster, like that is beyond anything."
Don Juan knew, that his only hope was to make himself as congenial (agreeable, sympathetic), as he possibly could. The fear of falling prey to that Monstrous Man was indeed a powerful psychological force. Don Juan told me, that by some quirk (whim, oddity, peculiarity) in his own nature, he was boorish (rude, ill-mannered) only  with the Women; he never behaved badly in the presence of the Nagual Julian. For some reason, that don Juan could not determine, in his mind the Nagual was not  someone he could attempt to affect either consciously or subconsciously. The other member of the household, the unsociable man, was of no consequence to don  Juan. Don Juan had formed an opinion the moment he met him, and had discounted him. He thought, that the man was weak, indolent (habitually lazy), and  overpowered by those beautiful Women. Later on, when he was more aware of the Nagual's personality, he knew, that the man was definitely overshadowed by the glitter of the others. As time passed, the nature of leadership and authority among them became evident to don Juan.
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He was surprised and somehow delighted to realize, that no one was better or higher, than another. Some of them performed functions, of which the others were  incapable, but that did not make them superior. It simply made them different. However, the ultimate decision in everything was automatically the Nagual Julian's, and he apparently took great pleasure in expressing his decisions in the form of bestial jokes he played on everyone. There was also a Mystery Woman among them.
They referred to her as Talia, the Nagual Woman. Nobody told don Juan who she was, or what being the Nagual Woman meant. It was made clear to him, however, that one of the seven women was Talia. They all talked so much about her, that don Juan's curiosity was aroused to tremendous heights. He asked so many questions, that the Woman, who was the leader of the other Women, told him, that she would teach him to read and write, so that he might make better use of his deductive (pedantic) abilities. She said, that he must learn to write things down, rather than committing them to memory. In this fashion he would accumulate a huge collection of facts  about Talia, facts, that he ought to read and study, until the truth became evident. Perhaps anticipating the cynical retort (pay back) he had in mind, she argued, that  although it might seem an absurd endeavor, finding out, who Talia was, was one of the most difficult and rewarding tasks anyone could undertake. What, she said, was the fun part. She added more seriously, that it was imperative for don Juan to learn basic bookkeeping in order to help the Nagual manage the property. Immediately she started daily lessons and in one year don Juan had progressed so rapidly and extensively, that he was able to read, write, and keep account books. Everything had occurred so smoothly, that he did not notice the changes in himself, the most remarkable of which, was a sense of detachment. As far, as he was concerned, he retained his impression, that nothing was happening in the house, simply because he still was unable to identify with the members of the household. Those people were mirrors, that did not yield Reflection.


"I took refuge in that house for nearly three years," don Juan went on. "Countless things happened to me during that time, but I didn't think they were really important.  Or at least I had chosen to consider them unimportant. I was convinced, that for three years all I had done was hide, shake with fear, and work like a mule." Don Juan laughed and told me, that at one point, at the urging of the Nagual Julian, he agreed to learn Sorcery, so that he might rid  himself of the fear, that consumed him each time he saw the Monster keeping vigil (watch). But although the Nagual Julian talked to him a great deal, he seemed more interested in playing jokes on him. So he believed it was fair and accurate to say, that he did not learn anything even loosely related to Sorcery, simply because it was apparent, that nobody in that house knew or practiced Sorcery. One day, however, he found himself walking purposefully, but without any volition on his part, toward  the invisible line, that held the Monster at bay. The Monstrous Man was, of course, watching the house as usual. But that day, instead of turning back and running to  seek shelter inside the house, don Juan kept walking. An incredible surge of energy made him advance with no concern for his safety. A feeling of total detachment  allowed him to face the Monster, that had terrorized him for so many years.
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Don Juan expected the Monster to lurch out and grab him by the throat, but that thought no longer created any terror in him. From a distance of a few inches he stared at the Monstrous Man for an instant and then stepped over the line. And the Monster did not attack him, as don Juan had always feared he would, but became blurry.  He lost his definition and turned into a misty whiteness, a barely perceptible patch of fog. Don Juan advanced toward the fog and it receded, as if in fear. He chased the patch of fog over the fields, until he knew there was nothing left of the Monster. He knew then, that there had never been one. He could not, however, explain what
he had feared. He had the vague sensation, that although he knew exactly what the Monster was, something was preventing him from thinking about it. Immediately
he thought, that that rascal, the Nagual Julian, knew the truth about what was happening. Don Juan would not have put it past the Nagual Julian to play that kind of trick. Before confronting him, don Juan gave himself the pleasure of walking unescorted all over the property. Never before had he been able to do that. Whenever he had  needed to venture beyond that invisible line, he had been escorted by a member of the household. That had put a serious constraint on his mobility. The two or three  times he had attempted to walk unescorted, he had found, that he risked annihilation (destruction) at the hands of the Monstrous Being. Filled with a strange vigor, don Juan went into the house, but instead of celebrating his new freedom-and power, he assembled the entire household and angrily demanded, that they explain their  lies. He accused them of making him work as their slave by playing on his fear of a nonexistent Monster. The Women laughed, as if he were telling the funniest joke.  Only the Nagual Julian seemed contrite (humbled by guilt), especially when don Juan, his voice cracking with resentment, described his three years of constant fear.
The Nagual Julian broke down and wept openly as don Juan demanded an apology for the shameful way he had been exploited.


"But we told you the monster didn't exist," one of the Women said. Don Juan glared at the Nagual Julian, who cowered meekly (cringed, recoiled, shrink, spring back  submissively).
"He knew the Monster existed," don Juan yelled, pointing an accusing finger at the Nagual. But at the same time he was aware, he was talking nonsense, because the  Nagual Julian had originally told him, that the Monster did not exist. "The Monster didn't exist," don Juan corrected himself, shaking with rage. "It was one of his  tricks." The Nagual Julian, weeping uncontrollably, apologized to don Juan, while the Women howled with laughter. Don Juan had never seen them laughing so hard.
"You knew all along, that there was never any Monster. You lied to me," he accused the Nagual Julian, who, with his head down and his eyes filled with tears, admitted his guilt.
"I have certainly lied to you," he mumbled. "There was never any Monster. What you saw as a Monster was simply a surge of energy. Your fear made it into a  monstrosity."
"You told me, that that Monster was going to devour me. How could you have lied to me like that?" don Juan shouted at him.
"Being devoured by that Monster was symbolic," the Nagual Julian replied softly. "Your real enemy is your stupidity. You are in mortal danger of being devoured by that monster now."
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Don Juan yelled, that he did not have to put up with silly statements. And he insisted they reassure him there were no longer any restrictions on his freedom to leave.
"You can go any time you want," the Nagual Julian said curtly (abrupt, gruff).
"You mean I can go right now?" don Juan asked.
"Do you want to?" the Nagual asked.
"Of course, I want to leave this miserable place and the miserable bunch of liars, who live here," don Juan shouted. The Nagual Julian ordered, that don Juan's savings be paid him in full, and with shining eyes wished him happiness, prosperity, and wisdom. The Women did not want to say goodbye to him. They stared at him, until he lowered his head to avoid their burning eyes. Don Juan put his money in his pocket and without a backward glance walked out, glad his ordeal was over.

The outside World was a question mark to him. He yearned for it. Inside that house he had been removed from it. He was young, strong. He had money in his pocket  and a thirst for living. He left them without saying thank you. His anger, bottled up by his fear for so long, was finally able to surface. He had even learned to like them - and now he felt betrayed. He wanted to run as far away from that place, as he could. In the city, he had his first unpleasant encounter. Traveling was very difficult and  very expensive. He learned, that if he wanted to leave the city at once, he would not be able to choose his destination, but would have to wait for whatever muleteers  were willing to take him. A few days later he left with a reputable muleteer for the port of Mazatlan.

"Although I was only twenty-three years old at the time," don Juan said, "I felt I had lived a full life. The only thing I had not experienced was sex. The Nagual Julian  had told me, that it was the fact I had not been with a Woman, that gave me my strength and endurance, and that he had little time left to set things up, before the World would catch up with me."
"What did he mean, don Juan?" I asked.
"He meant, that I had no idea about the kind of hell I was heading for," don Juan replied, "and that he had very little time to set up my barricades, my silent protectors."
"What's a silent protector, don Juan?" I asked.
"It's a lifesaver," he said. "A silent protector is a surge of inexplicable energy, that comes to a Warrior, when nothing else works. My benefactor knew what direction  my life would take, once I was no longer under his influence. So he struggled to give me as many Sorcerers' options, as possible. Those Sorcerers' options were to be my silent protectors."
"What are Sorcerers' Options?" I asked.
"Positions of the Assemblage Point," he replied, "the infinite number of positions, which the Assemblage Point can reach. In each and every one of those shallow or  deep Shifts, a Sorcerer can strengthen his New Continuity." He reiterated (repeat), that everything he had experienced either with his benefactor or while under his  guidance, had been the result of either a minute or a considerable Shift of his Assemblage Point. His benefactor had made him experience countless Sorcerers'  Options, more than the number, that would normally be necessary, because he knew, that don Juan's destiny would be to be called upon to explain, what Sorcerers  were and what they did. "The effect of those Shifts of the Assemblage Point is cumulative," he continued. "It weighs on you whether you understand it or not. 
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That accumulation worked for me, at the end. "Very soon after I came into contact with the Nagual, my Assemblage Point moved so profoundly, that I was capable of Seeing. I saw an Energy Field as a Monster. And the point kept on moving, until I saw the Monster as what it really was: an Energy Field. I had succeeded in Seeing, and I didn't know it. I thought I had done nothing, had learned nothing. I was stupid beyond belief."
"You were too young, don Juan," I said. "You couldn't have done otherwise."



He laughed. He was on the verge of replying, when he seemed to change his mind. He shrugged his shoulders and went on with his account. Don Juan said, that when he arrived in Mazatlan he was practically a seasoned muleteer, and was offered a permanent job running a mule train. He was very satisfied with the arrangements.  The idea, that he would be making the trip between Durango and Mazatlan pleased him no end. There were two things, however, that bothered him: first, that he had  not yet been with a Woman, and second, a strong, but unexplainable urge to go north. He did not know why. He knew only, that somewhere to the north something was waiting for him. The feeling persisted so strongly, that in the end he was forced to refuse the security of a permanent job, so he could travel north. His superior  strength and a new and unaccountable cunning enabled him to find jobs even where there were none to be had, as he steadily worked his way north to the state of Sinaloa. And there his journey ended.


He met a young widow, like himself a Yaqui Indian, who had been the wife of a man, to whom don Juan was indebted. He attempted to repay his indebtedness by helping the widow and her children, and without being aware of it, he fell into the role of husband and father. His new responsibilities put a great burden on him. He lost his freedom of movement and even his urge to journey farther north. He felt compensated for that loss, however, by the profound affection he felt for the Woman and her children. "I experienced moments of sublime happiness as a husband and father," don Juan said. "But it was at those moments when I first noticed, that something was terribly wrong. I realized, that I was losing the feeling of detachment, the aloofness I had acquired during my time in the Nagual Julian's house. Now I found myself identifying with the people, who surrounded me." Don Juan said, that it took about a year of unrelenting abrasion (merciless, wearing down) to make him lose every vestige of the new personality, he had acquired at the Nagual's house. He had begun with a profound, yet aloof  (reserved) affection for the Woman and her children. This detached affection allowed him to play the role of husband and father with abandon and gusto (relish, zest).


As time went by, his detached affection turned into a desperate passion, that made him lose his effectiveness. Gone was his feeling of detachment, which was what  had given him the power to love. Without that detachment, he had only mundane needs, desperation, and hopelessness: the distinctive features of the World of  Everyday Life. Gone as well was his enterprise. During his years at the Nagual's house, he had acquired a dynamism, that had served him well, when he set out on his own. But the most draining pain was knowing, that his physical energy had waned. Without actually being in ill health, one day he became totally paralyzed. He did not feel pain. He did not panic. It was as if his body had understood, that he would get the peace and quiet, he so desperately needed, only if it ceased to move. As he lay helpless in bed, he did nothing, but think. And he came to realize, that he had failed, because he did not have an Abstract Purpose.
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He knew, that the people in the Nagual's house were extraordinary, because they pursued Freedom, as their Abstract Purpose. He did not understand what Freedom  was, but he knew, that it was the opposite of his own concrete needs. His lack of an Abstract Purpose had made him so weak and ineffective, that he was incapable of  rescuing his adopted family from their abysmal (extremely poor) poverty. Instead, they had pulled him back to the very misery, sadness, and despair, which
he himself had known prior to encountering the Nagual. As he reviewed his life, he became aware, that the only time he had not been poor and had not had concrete needs was during his years with the Nagual. Poverty was the state of being, that had reclaimed him when his concrete needs overpowered him. For the first time,  since he had been shot and wounded so many years before, don Juan fully understood, that the Nagual Julian was indeed the Nagual, the Leader, and his benefactor.  He understood what it was, his benefactor had meant, when he said to him, that there was no Freedom without the Nagual's intervention. There was now no doubt in  don Juan's mind, that his benefactor and all the members of his benefactor's household were Sorcerers. But what don Juan understood with the most painful clarity  was, that he had thrown away his chance to be with them. When the pressure of his physical helplessness seemed unendurable, his paralysis ended as mysteriously,  as it had begun. One day he simply got out of bed and went to work. But his luck did not get any better. He could hardly make ends meet. Another year passed. He did  not prosper, but there was one thing, in which he succeeded beyond his expectations: he made a total recapitulation of his life. He understood then why he loved and  could not leave those children, and why he could not stay with them, and he also understood why he could neither act one way, nor the other. Don Juan knew, that
he had reached a complete impasse (dead-end), and that to die like a Warrior was the only action congruous (appropriate, harmonious) with what he had learned at his benefactor's house. So every night, after a frustrating day of hardship and meaningless toil (continuous labor), he patiently waited for his death to come. He was so  utterly convinced of his end, that his wife and her children waited with him - in a gesture of solidarity, they too wanted to die. All four sat in perfect immobility, night  after night, without fail, and recapitulated their lives while they waited for death. Don Juan had admonished (remind mildly) them with the same words his benefactor had used to admonish him.
"Don't wish for it," his benefactor had said. "Just wait, until it comes. Don't try to imagine what death is like. Just be there to be caught in its flow."
The time spent quietly strengthened them mentally, but physically their emaciated (abnormally thin) bodies told of their losing battle. One day, however, don Juan  thought his luck was beginning to change. He found temporary work with a team of farm laborers during the harvest season. But the Spirit had other designs for him.
A couple of days after he started work, someone stole his hat. It was impossible for him to buy a new one, but he had to have one to work under the scorching sun.
He fashioned a protection of sorts by covering his head with rags and handfuls of straw. His coworkers began to laugh and taunt (mock) him. He ignored them.  Compared to the lives of the three people, who depended on his labor, how he looked had little meaning for him. But the men did not stop. They yelled and laughed,  until the foreman, fearing that they would riot, fired don Juan. A wild rage overwhelmed don Juan's sense of sobriety and caution.


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He knew he had been wronged. The moral right was with him. He let out a chilling, piercing scream, and grabbed one of the men, and lifted him over his shoulders,  meaning to crack his back. But he thought of those hungry children. He thought of their disciplined little bodies, as they sat with him night after night awaiting death.
He put the man down and walked away. Don Juan said, that he sat down at the edge of the field, where the men were working, and all the despair, that had  accumulated in him, finally exploded. It was a silent rage, but not against the people around him. He raged against himself. He raged, until all his anger was spent.
"I sat there in view of all those people and began to weep," don Juan continued. "They looked at me as if I were crazy, which I really was, but I didn't care. I was beyond caring. "The foreman felt sorry for me and came over to give a word of advice. He thought I was weeping for myself. He couldn't have possibly known, that
I was weeping for the Spirit." Don Juan said, that a silent protector came to him after his rage was spent. It was in the form of an unaccountable surge of energy, that  left him with the clear feeling, that his death was imminent. He knew, that he was not going to have time to see his adopted family again. He apologized to them in a  loud voice for not having had the fortitude (courage) and wisdom, necessary to deliver them from their hell on Earth. The farm workers continued to laugh and mock  him. He vaguely heard them. Tears swelled in his chest, as he addressed and thanked the Spirit for having placed him in the Nagual's Path, giving him an undeserved  chance to be free. He heard the howls of the uncomprehending men. He heard their insults and yells as if from within himself. They had the right to ridicule him.
He had been at the Portals of Eternity and had been unaware of it. "I understood how right my benefactor had been," don Juan said. "My stupidity was a Monster and
it had already devoured me. The instant I had that thought, I knew, that anything I could say or do was useless. I had lost my chance. Now, I was only clowning for  those men. The Spirit could not possibly have cared about my despair. There were too many of us - men with our own petty private hells, born of our stupidity - for the Spirit to pay attention. "I knelt and faced the southeast. I thanked my benefactor again and told the Spirit I was ashamed. So ashamed. And with my last breath I said  goodbye to a World, which could have been wonderful, if I had had wisdom. An immense wave came for me then. I felt it, first. Then I heard it, and finally I saw it  coming for me from the southeast, over the fields. It overtook me and its blackness covered me. And the light of my life was gone. My hell had ended. I was finally  dead! I was finally free!"


Don Juan's story devastated me. He ignored all my efforts to talk about it. He said, that at another time, in another setting we were going to discuss it. He demanded instead, that we get on with what he had come to do: elucidate (clarify) the Mastery of Awareness.
A couple of days later, as we were coming down from the mountains, he suddenly began to talk about his story. We had sat down to rest. Actually, I was the one, who had stopped to catch my breath. Don Juan was not even breathing hard. "The Sorcerers' struggle for assuredness is the most dramatic struggle there is," don Juan said. "It's painful and costly. Many, many times it has actually cost Sorcerers their lives."
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He explained, that in order for any Sorcerer to have complete certainty about his actions, or about his position in the Sorcerers' World, or to be capable of utilizing  intelligently his New Continuity, he must invalidate (nullify) the Continuity of his old life. Only then can his actions have the necessary assuredness to fortify and  balance the tenuousness (weakness) and instability of his New Continuity.
"The Sorcerer Seers of modern times call this process of invalidation (nullifying) the ticket to Impeccability, or the Sorcerers' symbolic, but final death," don Juan said.  "And in that field in Sinaloa, I got my ticket to Impeccability. I died there. The tenuousness (weakness) of my New Continuity cost me my life."
"But did you die, don Juan, or did you just faint?" I asked, trying not to sound cynical.
"I died in that field," he said. "I felt my Awareness flowing out of me and heading toward the Eagle. But as I had impeccably recapitulated my life, the Eagle did not  swallow my Awareness. The Eagle spat me out. Because my body was dead in the field, the Eagle did not let me go through to freedom. It was as if it told me to go  back and try again. "I ascended the heights of blackness and descended again to the Light of the Earth. And then I found myself in a shallow grave at the edge of the  field, covered with rocks and dirt." Don Juan said, that he knew instantly what to do. After digging himself out, he rearranged the grave to look, as if a body was still  there, and slipped away. He felt strong and determined. He knew, that he had to return to his benefactor's house. But, before he started his return journey, he wanted to see his family and explain to them, that he was a Sorcerer and for that reason he could not stay with them. He wanted to explain, that his downfall had been not  knowing, that Sorcerers can never make a bridge to join the people of the World. But, if people desire to do so, they have to make a bridge to join Sorcerers.


"I went home," don Juan continued, "but the house was empty. The shocked neighbors told me, that farm workers had come earlier with the news, that I had dropped dead at work, and my wife and her children had left."
"How long were you dead, don Juan?" I asked.
"A whole day, apparently," he said. Don Juan's smile played on his lips. His eyes seemed to be made of shiny obsidian. He was watching my reaction, waiting for my comments.
"What became of your family, don Juan?" I asked.
"Ah, the question of a sensible man," he remarked. "For a moment I thought you were going to ask me about my death!" I confessed, that I had been about to, but that
I knew he was seeing my question, as I formulated it in my mind, and just to be contrary I asked something else. I did not mean it as a joke, but it made him laugh.
"My family disappeared that day," he said. "My wife was a survivor. She had to be, with the conditions we lived under. Since I had been waiting for my death,
she believed I had gotten what I wanted. There was nothing for her to do there, so she left. "I missed the children and I consoled (comfort) myself with the thought, that it wasn't my fate to be with them. However, Sorcerers have a peculiar bent. They live exclusively in the twilight of a feeling best described by the words "and yet . . ." When everything is crumbling down around them, Sorcerers accept, that the situation is terrible, and then immediately escape to the twilight of "and yet. . ."
"I did that with my feelings for those children and the woman. With great discipline - especially on the part of the oldest boy - they had recapitulated their lives with me.
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Only the Spirit could decide the outcome of that affection." He reminded me, that he had taught me how Warriors acted in such situations. They did their utmost, and then, without any remorse or regrets, they relaxed and let the Spirit decide the outcome.
"What was the decision of the Spirit, don Juan?" I asked.
He scrutinized me without answering. I knew he was completely aware of my motive for asking. I had experienced a similar affection and a similar loss.
"The decision of the Spirit is another Basic Core," he said. "Sorcery Stories are built around it. We'll talk about that specific decision, when we get to discussing that Basic Core. "Now, wasn't there a question about my death you wanted to ask?"
"If they thought you were dead, why the shallow grave?" I asked. "Why didn't they dig a real grave and bury you?"
"That's more like you," he said laughing. "I asked the same question myself and I realized, that all those farm workers were pious (devoted) people. I was a Christian.  Christians are not buried just like that, nor are they left to rot like dogs. I think they were waiting for my family to come and claim the body and give it a proper burial.  But my family never came."
"Did you go and look for them, don Juan?" I asked.
"No. Sorcerers never look for anyone," he replied. "And I was a Sorcerer. I had paid with my life for the mistake of not knowing I was a Sorcerer, and that Sorcerers  never approach anyone. From that day on, I have only accepted the company or the care of people or Warriors, who are dead, as I am." Don Juan said, that he went back to his benefactor's house, where all of them knew instantly what he had discovered. And they treated him, as if he had not left at all. The Nagual Julian  commented, that because of his peculiar nature, don Juan had taken a long time to die. "My benefactor told me then, that a Sorcerer's ticket to Freedom was his  Death," don Juan went on. "He said, that he himself had paid with his life for that ticket to Freedom, as had everyone else in his household. And that now we were  equals in our condition of being dead."
"Am I dead too, don Juan?" I asked.
"You are dead," he said. "The Sorcerers' grand trick, however, is to be aware, that they are dead. Their ticket to Impeccability must be wrapped in Awareness. In that wrapping, Sorcerers say, their ticket is kept in mint (abundant amount) condition. For sixty years, I've kept mine in mint condition..."

Returning to his story, don Juan said, that the Nagual used Tulio, the unsociable member of his household, to deliver a new shattering blow to his psychological Continuity. Don Juan said, that all the apprentices, including himself, had  never been in total agreement about anything, except, that Tulio was a contemptibly (despicable) arrogant little man. They hated Tulio, because he either avoided  them or snubbed (behaved coldly towards) them. He treated them all with such disdain (despise, contempt), that they felt like dirt. They were all convinced, that Tulio never spoke to them, because he had nothing to say; and that his most salient (striking) feature, his arrogant aloofness (indifference), was a cover for his timidity.  Yet in spite of his unpleasant personality, to the chagrin (annoyance) of all the apprentices, Tulio had undue influence on the household - especially on the Nagual  Julian, who seemed to dote (lavished with excessive fondness) on him.
One morning the Nagual Julian sent all the apprentices on a day-long errand to the city. The only person left in the house, besides the older members of the house
hold, was don Juan. Around midday the Nagual Julian headed for his study to do his daily bookkeeping. As he was going in, he casually asked don Juan to help him  with the accounts. Don Juan began to look through the receipts and soon realized, that to continue he needed some information, that Tulio, the overseer of the  property, had, and had forgotten to note down. The Nagual Julian was definitely angry at Tulio's oversight, which pleased don Juan. The Nagual impatiently ordered  don Juan to find Tulio, who was out in the fields, supervising the workers, and ask him to come to the study. Don Juan, gloating (regard with malicious pleasure) at  the idea of annoying Tulio, ran half a mile to the fields, accompanied, of course, by a field hand to protect him from the Monstrous Man. He found Tulio supervising  the workers from a distance, as always. Don Juan had noticed, that Tulio hated to come into direct contact with people and always watched them from afar. In a harsh voice and with an exaggeratedly imperious (authoritative) manner, don Juan demanded, that Tulio accompany him to the house, because the Nagual required his  services. Tulio, his voice barely audible, replied, that he was too busy at the moment, but that in about an hour he would be free to come.
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Don Juan insisted, knowing, that Tulio would not bother to argue with him and would simply dismiss him with a turn of his head. He was shocked when Tulio began  to yell obscenities at him. The scene was so out of character for Tulio, that even the farm workers stopped their labor and looked at one another questioningly. Don  Juan was sure they had never heard Tulio raise his voice, much less yell improprieties. His own surprise was so great, that he laughed nervously, which made Tulio  extremely angry. He even hurled a rock at the frightened don Juan, who fled. Don Juan and his bodyguard immediately ran back to the house. At the front door they  found Tulio. He was quietly talking and laughing with some of the Women. As was his custom, he turned his head away, ignoring don Juan. Don Juan began angrily to chastise him for socializing there, when the Nagual wanted him in his study. Tulio and the Women looked at don Juan, as if he had gone mad. But Tulio was not his  usual self that day. Instantly he yelled at don Juan to shut his damned mouth and mind his own damned business. He blatantly accused don Juan of trying to put him in a bad light with the Nagual Julian. The Women showed their dismay (discouragement) by gasping loudly and looking disapprovingly at don Juan. They tried to  calm Tulio. Don Juan ordered Tulio to go to the Nagual's study and explain the accounts. Tulio told him to go to hell. Don Juan was shaking with anger. The simple  task of asking for the accounts had turned into a nightmare. He controlled his temper. The Women were watching him intently, which angered him all over again. In a silent rage he ran to the Nagual's study. Tulio and the Women went back to talking and laughing quietly, as though they were celebrating a private joke. Don  Juan's surprise was total, when he entered the study and found Tulio sitting at the Nagual's desk, absorbed in his bookkeeping. Don Juan made a supreme effort and  controlled his anger. He smiled at Tulio. He no longer had the need to confront Tulio. He had suddenly understood, that the Nagual Julian was using Tulio to test him,  to see if he would lose his temper. He would not give him that satisfaction. Without looking up from his accounts, Tulio said, that if don Juan was looking for the  Nagual, he would probably find him at the other end of the house. Don Juan raced to the other end of the house to find the Nagual Julian walking slowly around the  patio with Tulio at his side. The Nagual appeared to be engrossed in his conversation with Tulio. Tulio gently nudged the Nagual's sleeve and said in a low voice, that  his assistant was there. The Nagual matter-of-factly explained to don Juan everything about the account they had been working on. It was a long, detailed, and  thorough explanation. He said then, that all don Juan had to do was to bring the account book from the study, so that they could make the entry and have Tulio sign it. Don Juan could not understand what was happening. The detailed explanation and the Nagual's matter-of-fact tone had brought everything into the Realm of  mundane affairs. Tulio impatiently ordered don Juan to hurry up and fetch the book, because he was busy. He was needed somewhere else. By now don Juan had  resigned himself to being a clown. He knew, that the Nagual was up to something; he had that strange look in his eyes, which don Juan always associated with his  beastly jokes. Besides, Tulio had talked more that day,  than he had in the entire two years don Juan had been in the house. Without uttering a word, don Juan went  back to the study. And as he had expected, Tulio had gotten there first.
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He was sitting on the corner of the desk, waiting for don Juan, impatiently tapping the floor with the hard heel of his boot. He held out the ledger (debit-credit book)  don Juan was after, gave it to him, and told him to be on his way. Despite being prepared, don Juan was astonished. He stared at the man, who became angry and  abusive. Don Juan had to struggle not to explode. He kept saying to himself, that all this was merely a test of his attitude. He had visions of being thrown out of the  house, if he failed the test. In the midst of his turmoil, he was still able to wonder about the speed, with which Tulio managed always to be one jump ahead of him.  Don Juan certainly anticipated, that Tulio would be waiting with the Nagual. Still, when he saw him there, although he was not surprised, he was incredulous. He had  raced through the house, following the shortest route. There was no way, that Tulio could run faster than he. Furthermore, if Tulio had run, he would have had to run  right alongside don Juan. The Nagual Julian took the account book from don Juan with an air of indifference. He made the entry; Tulio signed it. Then they continued  talking about the account, disregarding don Juan, whose eyes were fixed on Tulio. Don Juan wanted to figure out what kind of test they were putting him through. It had to be a test of his attitude, he thought. After all, in that house, his attitude had always been the issue. The Nagual dismissed don Juan, saying he wanted to be  alone with Tulio to discuss business. Don Juan immediately went looking for the women to find out, what they would say about this strange situation. He had gone  ten feet when he encountered two of the women and Tulio. The three of them were caught up in a most animated conversation. He saw them before they had seen  him, so he ran back to the Nagual. Tulio was there, talking with the Nagual. An incredible suspicion entered don Juan's mind. He ran to the study; Tulio was immersed in his bookkeeping and did not even acknowledge don Juan. Don Juan asked him what was going on. Tulio was his usual self this time: he did not answer or look at  don Juan. Don Juan had at that moment another inconceivable thought. He ran to the stable, saddled two horses and asked his morning bodyguard to accompany  him again. They galloped to the place, where they had seen Tulio earlier. He was exactly, where they had left him. He did not speak to don Juan. He shrugged his  shoulders and turned his head when don Juan questioned him. Don Juan and his companion galloped back to the house. He left the man to care for the horses and  rushed into the house. Tulio was lunching with the Women. And Tulio was also talking to the Nagual. And Tulio was also working on the books. Don Juan sat down  and felt the cold sweat of fear. He knew, that the Nagual Julian was testing him with one of his horrible jokes. He reasoned, that he had three courses of action. He could behave as if nothing, out of the ordinary, was happening; he could figure out the test himself; or, since the Nagual had engraved in his mind, that he was  there to explain anything don Juan wanted, he could confront the Nagual and ask for clarification. He decided to ask. He went to the Nagual and asked him to explain  what was being done to him. The Nagual was alone then, still working on his accounts. He put the ledger aside and smiled at don Juan. He said, that the twenty-one not-doings he had taught don Juan to perform were the tools, that could sever the three thousand heads of Self-Importance, but that those tools had not been  effective with don Juan at all.
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Thus, he was trying the second method for destroying Self-Importance, which meant putting don Juan into the state of being called the Place of No Pity. Don Juan  was convinced then, that the Nagual Julian was utterly mad. Hearing him talk about not-doings or about monsters with three thousand heads or about Places of No  Pity, don Juan felt almost sorry for him. The Nagual Julian very calmly asked don Juan to go to the storage shed in the back of the house and ask Tulio to come out.  Don Juan sighed and did his best not to burst out laughing. The Nagual's methods were too obvious. Don Juan knew, that the Nagual wanted to continue the test,  using Tulio. Don Juan stopped his narration and asked me what I thought about Tulio's behavior. I said, that guided by what I knew about the Sorcerers' World, I would say, that Tulio was a Sorcerer and somehow he was moving his own Assemblage Point in a very sophisticated manner to give don Juan the impression, that he was in four places at the same time. "So what do you think I found in the shed?" don Juan asked with a big grin.


"I would say either you found Tulio or you didn't find anybody," I replied.
"But if either of these had happened, there would have been no shock to my Continuity," don Juan said. I tried to imagine bizarre things and I proposed, that perhaps he found Tulio's Dreaming Body. I reminded don Juan, that he himself had done something similar to me with one of the members of his party of Sorcerers. "No," don Juan retorted. "What I found was a joke, that has no equivalent in reality. And yet it was not bizarre; it was not out of this world. What do you think it was?" I told  don Juan, I hated riddles. I said, that with all the bizarre things he had made me experience, the only things I could conceive would be more bizarreness, and since  that was ruled out, I gave up guessing. "When I went into that shed I was prepared to find, that Tulio was hiding," don Juan said. "I was sure, that the next part of the  test was going to be an infuriating game of hide-and-seek. Tulio was going to drive me crazy hiding inside that shed. "But nothing, I had prepared myself for, happened. I walked into that shed and found four Tulios."
"What do you mean, four Tulios?" I asked.


"There were four men in that shed," don Juan replied. "And all of them were Tulio. Can you imagine my surprise? All of them were sitting in the same position, their  legs crossed and pressed tightly together. They were waiting for me. I looked at them and ran away screaming. My benefactor held me down on the ground outside  the door. And then, truly horrified, I saw how the four Tulios came out of the shed and advanced toward me. I screamed and screamed, while the Tulios pecked me  with their hard fingers, like huge birds attacking. I screamed, until I felt something give in me and I entered a state of Superb Indifference. Never in all my life had I felt something so extraordinary. I brushed off the Tulios and got up. They had just been tickling me. I went directly to the Nagual and asked him to explain the four  men to me." What the Nagual Julian explained to don Juan was, that those four men were the paragons (model of Excellence) of Stalking. Their names had been  invented by their Teacher, the Nagual Elias, who, as an exercise in Controlled Folly, had taken the Spanish numerals uno, dos, tres, cuatro, added them to the name of Tulio, and obtained in that manner the names Tuliuno, Tuliodo, Tulitre, and Tulicuatro. The Nagual Julian introduced each in turn to don Juan. The four men were  standing in a row.
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Don Juan faced each of them and nodded, and each nodded to him. The Nagual said, the four men were Stalkers of Such Extraordinary Talent, as don Juan had just  corroborated (confirmed), that praise was meaningless. The Tulios were the Nagual Elias's Triumph; they were the Essence of Unobtrusiveness (not noticable).
They were such Magnificent Stalkers, that, for all practical purposes, only one of them existed. Although people saw and dealt with them daily, nobody outside the  members of the household knew, that there were four Tulios. Don Juan understood with perfect clarity everything the Nagual Julian was saying about the men.  Because of his Unusual Clarity, he knew, he had reached the Place of No Pity. And he understood, all by himself, that the Place of No Pity was a Position of the  Assemblage Point, a Position, which rendered (pronounced) Self-Pity inoperative. But don Juan also knew, that his Insight and Wisdom were extremely transitory  (occuring briefly). Unavoidably, his Assemblage Point would return to its Point of Departure. When the Nagual asked don Juan, if he had any questions, he realized,  that he would be better off paying close attention to the Nagual's explanation, than speculating about his own foresightedness (foresee, look into the Future). Don Juan wanted to know how the Tulios created the impression, that there was only one person. He was extremely curious, because observing them together, he realized: they were not really that alike. They wore the same clothes. They were about the same size, age, and configuration. But that was the extent of their  similarity. And yet, even as he watched them, he could have sworn, that there was only one Tulio. The Nagual Julian explained, that the human eye was trained to  focus only on the most salient (striking) features of anything, and that those salient features were known beforehand. Thus, the Stalkers' Art was to create an  impression by presenting the features they chose, features they knew, the eyes of the onlooker were bound to notice. By artfully reinforcing certain impressions,  Stalkers were able to create on the part of the onlooker an unchallengeable conviction, as to what their eyes had perceived. The Nagual Julian said, that when don  Juan first arrived dressed in his woman's clothes, the Women of his party were delighted and laughed openly. But the man with them, who happened to be Tulitre,  immediately provided don Juan with the first Tulio impression. He half turned away to hide his face, shrugged his shoulders disdainfully, as if all of it was boring to  him, and walked away - to laugh his head off in private - while the Women helped to consolidate (form into a compact mass, make coherent) that first impression by  acting apprehensive, almost annoyed, at the unsociability of the man. From that moment on, any Tulio, who was around don Juan, reinforced that impression and  further perfected it, until don Juan's eye could not catch anything, except what was being fed to him. Tuliuno spoke then and said, that it had taken them about three  months of very careful and consistent actions to have don Juan blind to anything, except what he was guided to expect. After three months, his blindness was so  pronounced, that the Tulios were no longer even careful. They acted normal in the house. They even ceased wearing identical clothes, and don Juan did not notice  the difference. When other apprentices were brought into the house, however, the Tulios had to start all over again. This time the challenge was hard, because there  were many apprentices and they were sharp. Don Juan asked Tuliuno about Tulio's appearance. Tuliuno answered, that the Nagual Elias maintained Appearance was the Essence of Controlled Folly, and Stalkers Created Appearance by Intending them, rather than by producing them with the aid of props.